October Founder’s Corner: Remember the Ember

If you caught sight of the harvest moon this past week, its peachy, fiery glow hovering low in the sky, you likely felt the quiet pull of autumn. This moon has long symbolized both abundance and
release: a time to gather what has ripened, and to let go of what no longer nourishes us. It’s fitting, then, that October is also World Mental Health Month, arriving just as we enter one of the most stressful seasons of the year.

Stress is hardly a word I like writing about particularly because of its uncanny ability to sneak into our lives with its many disguises. Though we all experience it differently, I imagine we might all agree that stress has a way of stealing time. It pulls us from the present moment and catapults us weeks, or even months, into the future. Before we know it, another year has passed, and we wonder where it went. What was so urgent that it took us away from our own lives.?

The Anatomy of Stress

Stress is often described as a physiological reaction, but it is equally an interpersonal experience. It lives in the space between people—between expectations and reality, giving and receiving, belonging and being misunderstood. Our nervous systems constantly read the room, scanning for safety, approval, or threat. During the holidays, this instinct amplifies: old family roles resurface,
emotional boundaries blur, and we find ourselves navigating the invisible weight of togetherness.

When our bodies sense tension, we tend to react in patterned ways. We overextend. We withdraw. We try to control outcomes or people. We tell ourselves stories about what others mean or feel, and those stories can become self-perpetuating loops. Without realizing it, we’re no longer present in our own lives. We’re bracing, performing, or defending, and time…it is rather quickly…slipping away. Worse yet, stress threatens to put out our inner spark or fire; our creatively, joy, and connection to meaning.

In my clinical work at Wellspring Psychological Services, three common emotional undercurrents emerge when stress becomes interpersonal and chronic. These are stress patterns that can either keep our inner emotional fires burning out of control or threatened to burn us out completely.

1. Resentment: The Cold Burn

We have all been there, at resentment’s garden. Resentment is the harvesting old pain by replaying stories of being wronged or misunderstood. Left unchecked, resentments can harden into habits, as we begin to chronically ‘feed’ on our own hurt. Resentment feels like we are mentally arguing with those that have wronged us, our minds a kind of courtroom reporter, gathering “evidence” to justify our pain. Yet, in doing so, we lose peace, and sometimes our sense of purpose. As we focus and refocus on what bothers us, stress starts to push through us. The next thing we know, we are barking orders, less patient, and becoming less of who we really want to be around those we care about.

2. Isolation: The Embers of Ache

Many people share a sense of being on the outside looking in, watching others seem effortlessly connected. Isolation can deepen stress and depression, convincing us we don’t belong or can’t reach out. This is because the more we distance ourselves, even if that feels somehow ‘protective’, the more stressed we may become. But connection – real, vulnerable connection – is one of the strongest balms for the human nervous system. Just as fire needs air, we need each other.

3. Loss of Meaning: The Fading Spark

When we lose touch with what matters most, life can feel mechanical, or even as if life is malfunctioning. We move through days doing what’s expected, but the spark that once gave those tasks life, flickers low. Stess has a way of diminishing our awareness of our inner spark. It’s a low kind of storm pressure that we often don’t notice until it sneaks up on us and has us running for cover. Meaning and purpose are what turn daily routine into sacred ritual; without them, even success can feel hollow.

The Resilience Within

The phrase “remember the ember” came up recently in conversation, an image that captures what resilience during stress truly is. Even when stress feels overwhelming, the ember within us is still there: that small, glowing center of hope, curiosity, love, and presence that can reignite with care and attention. Stress does not put out our inner spark; it shoves that light and joy into the corner until such a time that we can remember its existence. The Spark is never gone. Just waiting.

How do we stay connected to our inner light throughout the seasons? Good news…tending that ember doesn’t require grand gestures. Sometimes, it’s as simple as:

• Watching the moon rise in silence.
• Sharing a meal made from whole, nourishing foods.
• Breathing deeply during a walk or stretch.
• Talking honestly with a trusted friend.
• Lighting a candle and remembering what truly matters.

These small, intentional acts help the nervous system settle, rekindle joy, and remind us that no matter how stressful the world becomes, we still hold the power to nurture our own light.

As the days shorten and the holidays approach, may we each pause to notice the ember within us…and choose to remember it.